Trip Mckenzie and another bout of instable idiocy.

My god my head is hurting.

Feels like some tiny ugly creature is trying to hatch its way out through the shell of my skull. This is not a pleasant feeling.

Of course I could just go to sleep. It would certainly seem like the sensible thing to do right now. But sensible is related to stable and I really don't think that that is a trade I have much stock in right now. Earlier today I started furiously pacing around the room, except it was not even pacing, more a constrained combination of running and stamping. Pretty much the kind of thing a really drepressed polar bear might do if it was locked up in a really inhumane old-fashioned zoo... except more frantic. And I would imagine somewhat less imposing than the bear.

Now at 4.46 pacing is not my adopted form of relentless half-valve open vent destruction. Now I just stay awake, long past the point of production or benefit. No way in the world am I going to manage to do anything I should be doing now. Instead I am practicing planches and fondues. Tondues, whatever... that is not even close to the right term anyway. Some dumb ballet shit that I imagine will help me to get where I want to go. It won't. It might make my arse look a bit better though. Won't that be great huh?

That's it you see. I've lost any thread of what I might have been saying now. You know I would really like to write a story  heaven forbid a thesis a review an opinion a structured something. Not necessarily even a structure just a complete something. Instead of these bits and pieces that are all I can ever manage, until 20 minutes later my brain breaks down again and all ideas and inspiration seep out of the shards.

Maybe I should just pummel the crap out of my head again. That is always fun. Or try and split my fingers down the middle of the knuckles punching a radiator or whatever else is at hand. Oblivion baby here I come.

Actually screw that. Oblivion is alright but I'm not so into that means of transport. I mean... bludgeoning my way to anything. That is hardly elegant or graceful. Pirate, highwayman, musketeer, acrobat or harlequin. Dreams and childish images I'm sure. But I never thought a caveman was cool. I never liked the big guy smashing his way to victory. Spider-man over Super-man any day. Brute force is just has no aesthetic. And it certainly does not fit my idea of cool.

Of course those rules don't hold true for a bear. But bears are an exception. What are they exactly? What evolutionary niche do they fit into? Thats right. You can't answer it. And if you can your answer is rubbish. Bears are just bears. And well... that is just about the coolest thing you could be. (which is not to say that bears are the coolest animals. They aren't. Sorry bears.)

I read something new today about quantum physics. I guess its a new take on the whole shrodingers cat thing. The cat is neither dead or alive till someone takes a look at it in a box. Quantum uncertainty I think. Or maybe I am mixing stuff up? What the hell. Works for me.

Anyway the thing I read was about these quantumly uncertain things, I guess the idea is nothing exists in a quantum sense (and so not really at all) until the quantumly uncertain state is certified one way or another. So all that exists is a probablity or a possibility, waiting to be observed and made concrete one way or the other. Which is a pretty good candidate for what the Ireal is. Something that isn't real but still exists.

What was new was the argument that this observation had to be done by an actual conciousness. What observation could be without something to observe I don't know, but apparently this idea is new. Or the absoluteness of it is new. Conciousness or nothing.

Do I have a point. Yes. Yes and no. My point is that I should damned well have been able to think of something interesting or worthwhile to say about that. At its most basic level nothing exists beyond a potential until a conciousness observes it, validates and certifies existence. God that is pretty mind-bending stuff; but I have nothing. No creative spark comes to mind, I just sit here. Staying awake as long as I can (well not as long as I can but needlessly long), knowing that all it will do is prevent me from doing anything tomorrow, to match today and the day before that. When the hell did I flick this stupid self-destruct switch anyway? And why the hell. I mean its some kind of hairtrigger I have to do this given how fucking easy my life is...

Meh. Worst blog ever.